Coaching … was truly an awesome experience. I don’t know that I have the words to express how this has changed my life. I had never experienced the opportunity of being coached before. I had always been trained or told what to do. Growing up I was always told that I could never do things right or I only half way did things. I have fought all my life to overcome those things and found that my direct selling business was a way that I could prove to them that I could do something right by being successful.
Through coaching, I came to discover that I was operating with limited beliefs and out of fear. I had developed my businesses out of fear and with the limiting belief that I had to prove I was better than I was told I was. I played this record over and over in my mind for years not even realizing that was the driving force behind it. My way of coping with this was to push it down and keep busy so I didn’t have to think about it.
Coaching caused me to realize what was going on between my own two ears, and empowered me to face it and do something about it. It gave me courage to confront family members, with love, 
about comments made about my granddaughter’s weight that would cause her to have self esteem problems if she ever heard the comments. I didn’t want my granddaughter to create those self doubts that I had developed. The confrontation was done in a respectful way and not out of anger and it felt great to set those boundaries. Coaching also helped me realize that what I thought were unconstructive motives in a person on my team was simply her “I” personality style. When I learned what that meant and how to work with her, our relationship has grown to an amazing level and she looks at me as a second mom and I think she is a wonderful young woman. Coaching also brought me back to things I was neglecting; to taking care of myself and feeding my very soul.
I looked forward to my weekly calls asking me what I was celebrating and the encouraging words telling me what a great session is was and how I was growing and telling me what was loved about me. I had never had someone tell me what they loved about me before. It touched the very core of my being and I can’t even hold back the tears as I think about it now. My coach believed in me for who I was, not what I could do. I know that God put her in my life at just the right time.
Do you have a coach who truly believes that you are perfectly whole and capable? Please share.
About the Author: Debby Tarrh has a desire to pay forward the beliefs and the energy that others have poured into her during her twenty + years in direct sales. Debby is a recent contributor to the DSWA Mentored by the Masters series. She and her team have been in the top ten in individual and group sales and recruiting every year since her first year with the company. She is currently working toward the highest position she can earn and plans on achieving this goal by the end of 2010. You can reach Debby at myjewelrylady@ma.rr.com.
For me, one of the most important lessons that came from the Coach Excellence program was the importance of honoring other people for who they are, not for whom I want them to be. This is more than accepting their goals, strengths, desire, and wishes. It’s about accepting them and whole and capable and complete—even down to the way they express themselves.
The Coach Excellence program does a lot of training in the DiSC Profile system to help us open our eyes to the different approaches that people take with their surroundings. As a strong ‘D’, dominance, behavioral style, I have always been about the doing. I love to tackle a problem, create a solution and get down to work! I have known about my behavioral style for a long time, as well as the iSC styles.
What I I learned to appreciate is what each style brought to the team and the importance of having a balance. The challenge for me has always been communication and working together with other styles, particularly S. Learning the art of mirroring finally taught me how to create harmony. I came to learn that it isn’t really about the doing, the learning about other styles, it’s about the being. It’s about adjusting my pace, tone, speed and focus to their style. As I worked to mirror others, I began to realize the true benefits of slowing down, of paying attention to more fun, of watching the details and of being sensitive to others. By understanding who I was ‘being’ as a D, I recognized how I was disconnecting with others. The S & C styles were left in the dust with my fast paced conversation. They felt disrespected and bowled over. My focus on sticking to the schedule sapped the fun from the i people. As I mirror an i, I become more fun. When I listen to an S, I learn to connect from my heart. When I learn from a C, I become more knowledgeable. And when I mirror others, they listen to me. They are more likely to follow my lead and get the job done! Diversity comes in many varieties, learning to ‘be’ the other behavioral styles, breaks down the differences and creates harmony. It honors the best in every one and celebrates the team that comes together in harmony!
[Ed. Note: Mary McLoughlin is a graduate of the DSWA Coach Excellence program and she is a Certified Direct Selling Coach. Mary is also a WABC Certified Business Coach! She has earned the right to put the initials CBC after her name. This is from an essay she wrote while in the course. If you'd like to have experiences like Mary’s, the DSWA Coach Excellence program is now open for enrollment for the September and January sessions. Contact Neil Phillips, neil@dswa.org for more information.]
About the Author: Mary McLoughlin is a Proud Graduate of the DSWA Coach Excellence School. Get more from Mary by visiting her at www.marymcloughlin.com
Sharing your business as a direct seller or to build a coaching business is all about connecting to the people you can help. In the broad world of the internet and dozens of networking groups, it can be a challenge to stand out. Coaching skills have taught me to connect with others quickly in a real way. This has created some amazing relationships that have led to new clients. It all starts with the listening skills. We all know the basics, make eye 
contact, don’t interrupt and confirm what you heard. Coaches learn to listen in a different way. They listen with their heart. Listening with your heart in an environment where others are all about selling sets you apart as someone others want to know.
Listening with your heart begins with learning how to shut out the noise so that you can be totally present with the person. I have watched successful leaders in many arenas and this is a common skill. As a listener, they make you feel like there is no one else in the room. How often are we distracted by watching for who else is in the room or trying to listen to more than one conversation at a time? Sometimes we are so busy focusing on what we will say next that we don’t even hear what is being said. Then we nod our heads, pretend we heard what the person talking to us has said and move to the next conversation without ever having made a real connection Learning to be in the present moment focused totally on one person creates a bond of trust immediately.
The ability to shut out the noise and listen with my heart did not come naturally. It has been a learning experience over time. It began with slowing down my conversation. In the beginning, I would ask a question of a consultant while on the phone and then watch the clock tick away the seconds. I would not speak until after 30 seconds passed. It seemed interminable at the time. The amazing thing was that when the other person spoke, I heard their answer. The time I waited allowed me to calm my own inner thoughts and be totally present to listen. I also concentrated on waiting until they were finished talking to think of the next question to ask. Over time, I grew excited to learn about others as they began to share themselves in a real way. Listening with my heart communicates the importance of the other person to me. When others feel important, they like you!
In a networking environment, taking time to really listen and ask questions builds trust. As you learn about people, you remember them. The follow up calls have meaning when you are able to rekindle the connection. The best part is that people remember you and they return your call! By taking time to really connect with one or two people at each event by listening from my heart, I have formed real relationships. I know what I can offer to others as assistance and as I do, they return the favor. Referrals come my way and so do clients. Thank you, DSWA Coach Excellence School, for teaching me to listen with my heart.
[Ed. Note: Mary McLoughlin is a graduate of the DSWA Coach Excellence program and she is a Certified Direct Selling Coach. Mary is also a WABC Certified Business Coach! She has earned the right to put the initials CBC after her name. This is from an essay she wrote while in the course. If you'd like to have experiences like Mary’s, the DSWA Coach Excellence program is now open for enrollment for the September and January sessions. Contact Neil Phillips, neil@dswa.org for more information.]
About the Author: Mary McLoughlin is a Proud Graduate of the DSWA Coach Excellence School. Get more from Mary by visiting her at www.marymcloughlin.com
Students spend many hours listening. They take notes. They may even remember the information for a quiz, test or a short period of time. Does it really change how they think, behave or live? Engaging direct selling students with power points, handouts and even interactive exercises helps them to stay involved with the teaching at the time of learning. What is the secret that causes the learning to appear later and impact behavior?
The answer is coaching. When you combine coaching with training, then retention and integration happen. Coaching anchors the learning as students’ process by answering questions. What does this look like?
A trainer would teach the emotional why like this: The emotional why is different than the material why. The material why is the “things” that people want. It can be concrete like a new home or experiential like private schooling for their children. An emotional why is the “feelings” that are evoked when the material why is achieved. The feelings are the real reason someone is motivated to create the actions necessary to achieve the goal. Most women have one of these emotional whys:
- To build something from the ground up, on their own.
- To provide something more for their family.
- To have someone be proud of them: a spouse, parent, child, etc.
- To feel important, have a sense of value and be proud of themselves.
A trainer/coach would teach the emotional why much differently.
- Trainer/coach: “The emotional why is the key to motivation. Motivation comes from within. What is your emotional why? Do you know? (hands up) Sherry, what is your why?”
- Sherry: “My why is to send my children to private school.”
- Trainer/coach: “What difference will private school make in the lives of your children?”
- Sherry: “They will have a strong connection to their faith and a better education.”
- Trainer/coach: “How will you feel when they enter the world with this education, knowing that you provided it for them?”
- Sherry: “I will feel like I accomplished my purpose as a mother[tears welling up].”
- Trainer/coach: “Sherry, that is your emotional why. Can you stay connected with those feelings as you make your follow up calls?”
Do you experience the difference between the emotional and material why as a trainer/coach would teach it? What do you see?
The trainer/coach is open to the insights of the students. The answers are not just the ones in her outline. As a trainer, she will insert knowledge that does not come from the students and integrate it into their answers. When the learning from the students is combined with the knowledge from the trainer/coach, the students are more receptive and link the knowledge to their own discovery. The trainer/coach uses many questions to pull the learning out of the students. As students discover the learning, they own it and are more committed to remembering and using it. Emotions were evoked around the room as Sherry connected to her why. When you connect the head and the heart, you shift behavior. Learning to coach and to combine coaching with training changes the focus of the learning. The intention shifts from communicating knowledge to shifting behavior and thinking. This is the difference between education and learning. How will you begin to use coaching with your training?
By learning to be a coach through the DSWA Coach Excellence School, I became a better trainer. Integrating questions during training and coaching participants through their scenarios during training has emerged naturally as I continue to focus on growing my coaching skills. I no longer refer to myself as a trainer. I create experiential learning. My goal is to shift the participants’ thinking so that they shift their behavior. This is when the knowledge makes a difference. Just like coaching, my goal for my experiential learning is to assist people to continue in a forward direction. By unlocking the stumbling blocks to growth and goals I help others achieve their dreams and create lives that make a difference. Using coaching and training together, participants retain 80% of what they learn, not just 26% when only training is involved. Using my coaching skills to enhance my training is an added bonus that has opened doors with new clients and opportunities.
[Ed. Note: Mary McLoughlin is a graduate of the DSWA Coach Excellence program and she is a Certified Direct Selling Coach. Mary is also a WABC Certified Business Coach! She has earned the right to put the initials CBC after her name. This is from an essay she wrote while in the course. If you'd like to have experiences like Mary’s, the DSWA Coach Excellence program is now open for enrollment for the September and January sessions. Contact Neil Phillips, neil@dswa.org for more information.]
About the Author: Mary McLoughlin is a Proud Graduate of the DSWA Coach Excellence School. Get more from Mary by visiting her at www.marymcloughlin.com
[Ed. Note: We want to take a moment to offer our congratulations to Mary McLoughlin. As a graduate of the DSWA Coach Excellence program, she is a Certified Direct Selling Coach. Mary is also a WABC Certified Business Coach! She has earned the right to put the initials CBC after her name. Over the next few days we'll be posting pieces from writing she did while in the course.]
Parents long for close relationships with their children. They want the very best in life for them. It is only natural to share the experiences they have gained to protect their children from repeating their parents’ mistakes. 
How often does this fall on silent ears? Parents carry a voice of authority and sharing experiences can be heard as telling what to do. I often wondered why my own children and spouse did not take heed of my advice. I shared from my heart, wanting only the best for them. It was not until I attended the DSWA Coach Excellence School that I began to understand.
People want to be in control of their own destiny, especially teenagers and young adults. As coaches, we ask permission to offer suggestions and always make sure that it is understood that our clients have the right to accept, reject or pass on our questions. They feel safe sharing because they are in a space without judgment. As I experienced the instant trust and deep 
sharing of my clients, I began to recognize the difference in my interactions with my family. As Mark Semple, a DSWA Coach Excellence faculty member, often says, “A coach is who we are, not what we do.” How could being a coach in all my relationships make a difference?
I began asking more questions, talking less and listening more. My husband and adult children began to share more. My son has always been more reserved and not much of a talker, at least to his parents. As his wedding approached, I used the opportunity to try out my new skills. Sitting down with my son and his fiancé to talk about the wedding, I knew that I had a lot of ideas about how the wedding might look. To avoid my ‘telling’ behavior, I began the conversation by asking what the most important pieces of the wedding were to each of them. I learned that my daughter-in-law wanted to 
be sure her family and friends had a good time. My son wanted a casual rehearsal dinner. I was able to work toward their vision of the wedding and we had a wonderful day without any strains or disappointments on anyone’s part. As I continue to ask more, talk less and listen more, my son shares more. We now enjoy going to lunch and have plenty to say when we catch up on the phone. Similar experiences exist in my other family relationships.
It really is true, as I become better at coaching, I am learning to ‘be’ a coach. It shows up in all the areas of my life. My relationships are healthier and stronger. I experience more vulnerability in others and in myself. What a surprise to learn that my new career would enhance my life and relationships in such a dramatic way!
About the Author: Mary McLoughlin is a Proud Graduate of the DSWA Coach Excellence School. Get more from Mary by visiting her at www.marymcloughlin.com
During the time of working through coaching school, I was doing my personal devotions and a passage stood out to me. It was 2 Chronicles 1: 9-10. It was a prayer that Solomon prayed. “You have made me king over a people as numerous as the dust of the earth. Give me the wisdom and knowledge to lead them properly.” I feel that God was speaking to me. He had made me a leader over a team of people and he led me to the tools of coaching school to equip me to lead them. He has used this opportunity to open my eyes to several things that has caused me to mature more in an area of my life.
Learning to come from a place of service has empowered me and I feel so much of the stress I was carrying around is gone. I was feeling that I didn’t know where I was going to go with my management team, because I have trained and taught them everything I knew and did know how I could help them, but at the same time knowing I was the leader and needed to do something. I have been empowered because I now know I don’t need to know it all or have all the answers, but that I have stepped up through service and have the opportunity to empower others.
I am empowering my team by making it all about them, having no agenda of my own, making them the expert and holding them as whole. They are empowered through asking questions, because they discover their emotional why or limiting beliefs, they may have a paradigm shift, or because they realize they have clarity and focus and that they do know the answers. They are empowered by asking them what they are celebrating for the week because it helps them look at the good things that are happening, which help them build self confidence. They are empowered through discovering that they know how to plan and set goals and by discovering what they are saying to themselves about themselves, to quite that inner critic.
This has been an amazing journey for me and I look forward to the continued growth and developed relationships that I will continue to experience because of the opportunity that I received in coaching school. I would like to thank everyone who took the time to teach and work with me at the DSWA Coach Excellence program.
About the Author: Debby Tarrh has a desire to pay forward the beliefs and the energy that others have poured into her during her twenty + years in direct sales. Debby is a recent contributor to the DSWA Mentored by the Masters series. She and her team have been in the top ten in individual and group sales and recruiting every year since her first year with the company. She is currently working toward the highest position she can earn and plans on achieving this goal by the end of 2010. You can reach Debby at myjewelrylady@ma.rr.com.
I learned so much in coach school. I think the thing that made the
biggest impact on me was the teaching on the DISC communication styles. This helped me realized why I thought and reacted the way I do, It helped me understand what makes me tick and not to be so hard on myself. I discovered that I was a DS communication style. I joking refer my style to being a Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, because when I find myself being direct in handling a situation, taking charge and wanting immediate results, I then lie in bed at night and can’t sleep because of worrying that I hurting someone’s feelings or worry about what they are thinking of me and try to devise a plan to fix it. It also helped me in how I looked at other people in my family and in my business, because it helped me understand a little more about the person and what their perception might be. It helped me see how someone might see me and instead of acting out of a DS style, to think about what that person’s style is and to open up a better way of communicating, which has improved my relationships.
I taught my team the basics on DISC and it has been used to improve business relationship. They are now thinking of what communication style the person they are working with is, so they can communicate and problem solves more effectively. When they call me and say “this person is driving me crazy” or “I just don’t get her”, I say “get your DISC wheel out and tell me what communication style they are” and we coach through how they want to handle the situation. 
I was able to use DISC to help a team member solve a problem with a hostess that totally turned the situation around to a positive experience. She had scheduled a party for a hostess several months in advance and mailed out the invitation to that party two weeks before the date without contacting the hostess first to make sure the date was okay. The advisor’s thinking was that the hostess scheduled a party and sent her the guest list so it was a go. At the same time she was thinking, I need this party to hold so I will not call her before I send out the invitations so she won’t have a chance to postpone her party. When the hostess realized that the invitations went out, she became very angry that the advisor didn’t call her first, because the hostess had forgotten about the party and had another obligation that day. The advisor kept apologizing, but it didn’t matter what she said. The hostess wouldn’t listen and kept telling her how unprofessional she was and kept lashing out at her. The advisor called me and was crying so hard I could hardly understand what she was saying to me. Because of the DiSC training at coach school, I was able to ask the advisor questions about the hostess and realized that it was very probable that the hostess was a D communication style. The advisor and I talked about what that meant, that a D style fears loss of control in their environment, and being taken advantage of, and that could be how the hostess was feeling. So realizing that, I was able to coach the advisor around how this situation might be handled. She called the hostess and apologized again and told the hostess that she(the hostess) was right that she should have called her first and that she learned a valuable lesson from the hostess and thanked her and ask her what she would like for her (the advisor) to do to resolve the situation. The hostess said “Oh, it is okay honey. We will make the best of it and go on with the party,” and became excited about the party. The advisor called me back in complete shock at how the situation turned around.
The DiSC communication profiles are a great tool, and the theory behind them lets us listen better. We learn to listen to people in the way they want to be listened to. It makes for better coaching, better training, and better relationships in my life.
About the Author: Debby Tarrh has a desire to pay forward the beliefs and the energy that others have poured into her during her twenty + years in direct sales. Debby is a recent contributor to the DSWA Mentored by the Masters series. She and her team have been in the top ten in individual and group sales and recruiting every year since her first year with the company. She is currently working toward the highest position she can earn and plans on achieving this goal by the end of 2010. You can reach Debby at myjewelrylady@ma.rr.com.
I like to think about how far I have come since my introduction to coaching. My first introduction to coaching was the Elite course through the DSWA. After just my first day at coach school, I
realized that what I had been doing with what I learned in Elite was not coaching, that I was still training but through questions. I was coloring the water by suggesting ideas in questions. I thought I was doing a great job, but what a difference I have seen in the clients (team members) since attending coach school.
I will never forget my first day at coach school, I am a very reserved person and after that first day, I had some perceptions of what coach school was going to be and it terrified me. I thought I was going to be asked to coach someone in front of the whole class and then be critiqued. I called home in tears and told my husband that I had made a mistake and I wanted to come home. I am so glad I did not act on my fears, because this experience has changed my life.
The first day of school did help me realize that what I thought I was doing in coaching my team was not coaching at all. It was thinking I knew what was best for them and using that agenda to form questions to direct the way the “conversation” should go. What I discovered is that coaching was helping others to discover that they have the answers and to put action to their discoveries. I felt a freedom in discovering that I didn’t have to know it all or have all the answers, and to see people as whole and not needing to be fixed. I have heard time after time how coaching people on my team has turned around negative thinking or helped them to focus on goals, how it has helped their business and helped with communicating with other advisors on our team.
I feel because of coaching school I am growing and developing my people and communication skills, by learning things like verbal and nonverbal communication, using body language, tone and fluctuation of my voice. Learning to speak their language through DiSC and learning how to be a heart centered listener, by quieting my inner voice to listen to the client, instead of thinking I have all the answers and thinking of what I am going to say next to fix it for them.
From my terrified introduction to graduation, the DSWA Coach Excellence program has opened my eyes.
About the Author: Debby Tarrh has a desire to pay forward the beliefs and the energy that others have poured into her during her twenty + years in direct sales. Debby is a recent contributor to the DSWA Mentored by the Masters series. She and her team have been in the top ten in individual and group sales and recruiting every year since her first year with the company. She is currently working toward the highest position she can earn and plans on achieving this goal by the end of 2010. You can reach Debby at myjewelrylady@ma.rr.com.
The International Coach Federation (ICF) has conducted the first worldwide survey of coaching clients. This survey reveals coaching generates a solid return on investment for clients and creates positive changes in client goal areas for both individuals and companies.
Companies that use or have used professional coaching for business reasons have seen a median return on investment of seven times their initial investment. An overwhelming majority of individuals who worked with a professional coach (82.7%) report being “very satisfied” with their coaching experience and (96.2%) said they would repeat it given the same circumstances.
“The bottom line is coaching works!” says Karen Tweedie, President, ICF. “The ICF has promoted the incredible benefits of coaching for nearly 15 years, but now we have this important data to support our claims which is based on independent, comprehensive qualitative and quantitative research.”
Coaching works and it is not limited to athletics, personal training or corporate endeavors. The coaching process focuses on desired goals and developing a strategy, competency and the commitment on the part of the client to create the results they want. Coaching is the “missing ingredient” in creating sustainable change. Accountability and co-creation between the client and coach create the winning recipe to make lasting changes.
Coaching is recognized as one of the fastest growing professions over the next five years particularly as individuals, both personal and professional – are committed to maximizing their performance. The time is now to become prepared to be a part of this growing profession.
At the DSWA, we have long known the value of coaching. Neil Phillips, Director of the Coach Excellence program, leads a team that has been training and certifying professional coaches using the DSWA Principled Centered Coaching and powerful curriculum for almost 2 years.
Enrollment for the DSWA Coach Excellence September session is open now. Contact neil@dswa.org for more details or to enroll.
About the Author: Dana Phillips is Director of the DSWA Leadership Development program and founding partner of Team Connections. Get more from Dana on her Direct Selling Notebook and Facebook.
Ed. Note: We’d like to welcome Dana Phillips as the newest coach listed on the DSWA Coach Referral Network. Dana recently received her ACC credential from the International Coaching Federation.
So many great sales leaders have refined the use of questions to negotiate. I have heard many budding coaches find it difficult to frame questions that do not lead, color the water, or direct the person they are coaching.
Questions like:
Wouldn’t you agree that ….
Don’t you think it would be better to…
Do you think you might…
These questions make assumptions.
When you know the answer, you have stopped coaching and started leading or training. If you want the person you are coaching to know your perspective, offer it as an observation.
Questions that look for one “best” answer are like oral quizzes. I have watched really good presenters go down that road and observed the audience stop participating because they can’t figure out the “right” answer. Great coaches work to never make anyone wrong. They use questions to explore, clarify, and look at an idea or concept from various perspectives.
About the Author: Dana Phillips is Director of the DSWA Leadership Development program and founding partner of Team Connections. Get more from Dana on her Direct Selling Notebook and Facebook.
Ed. Note: We’d like to welcome Dana Phillips as the newest coach listed on the DSWA Coach Referral Network. Dana recently received her ACC credential from the International Coaching Federation.
Coaching … was truly an awesome experience. I don’t know that I have the words to express how this has changed my life. I had never experienced the opportunity of being coached before. I had always been trained or told what to do. Growing up I was always told that I could never do things right or I only half way did things. I have fought all my life to overcome those things and found that my direct selling business was a way that I could prove to them that I could do something right by being successful.
about comments made about my granddaughter’s weight that would cause her to have self esteem problems if she ever heard the comments. I didn’t want my granddaughter to create those self doubts that I had developed. The confrontation was done in a respectful way and not out of anger and it felt great to set those boundaries. Coaching also helped me realize that what I thought were unconstructive motives in a person on my team was simply her “I” personality style. When I learned what that meant and how to work with her, our relationship has grown to an amazing level and she looks at me as a second mom and I think she is a wonderful young woman. Coaching also brought me back to things I was neglecting; to taking care of myself and feeding my very soul. 
I looked forward to my weekly calls asking me what I was celebrating and the encouraging words telling me what a great session is was and how I was growing and telling me what was loved about me. I had never had someone tell me what they loved about me before. It touched the very core of my being and I can’t even hold back the tears as I think about it now. My coach believed in me for who I was, not what I could do. I know that God put her in my life at just the right time.
