I am fascinated with the concept of staying in the coaching space with my client. While I am listening, reflecting their words, and working to hand back their thoughts and feeling s, I have been thankful for my work with DiSC™.
Here is a quick review of DiSC™:
D: Dominant, Direct, Driven
i: Influencer, Inspiring, Inviting
S: Steady, Supportive, Status Quo
C: Conscientious, Contemplative, Cautious
A person whose primary communication style is “S” or “i” will typically be more in touch with their emotions, so questions that evoke feelings will help them hone in on what they want.
Here is a recent exchange with a person who exhibits a lot of “S”:
“How does that make you feel?”
“Oh, I am overwhelmed and frightened.”
“What would it feel like if you were not overwhelmed or frightened?”
“Oh, I would have an easy peace and know that everyone was fine.”
“Tell me more about the feelings of harmony.”
“There would just be more peace on my team, more collaboration.”
“What little steps (remember the “S” wants incremental, not drastic change) could you take to resolve this situation on your team?”
“Well, I guess I would have to talk to the person who is causing the trouble.”
“What would that feel like?”
“A little scary, but I have to do it for the sake of the team.”
“How can you approach her and maintain your sense of harmony?”
“I am going to ask her first if we can talk about something that isn’t comfortable for me to talk about. If she says yes, I will describe my observations.”
“And what will you do if she is unwilling to budge?”
“Oh, that would be so sad, but I guess I would have to let it go.”
Can you see how the use of questions that include the feelings and harmony help the client to own her solution?
It goes without saying that this conversation would take a completely different tone and direction with a “D” or a “C” style.
When we speak each client’s language through rate and tone, words really do get to the heart of the client’s known and unknown world. When I use words, nuances, and questions that resonate with a client, they are more aware of their own thinking. How do you keep yourself aware of your client’s “language?” I’d love to hear how you consciously work to resonate with the people you are coaching.
About the Author: Dana Phillips is Director of the DSWA Leadership Development program and founding partner of Team Connections. Get more from Dana on her Direct Selling Notebook and Facebook.
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