The direct selling profession is, by nature, driven by emotion. We hear words like passion, fire, burn, desire, dreams, enthusiasm, and excitement. I could keep going but you know what I mean.
What we don’t often talk about are the negative emotions that can surface in the course of a month, week, or day. Thinking back to the last month I have had clients describe these emotions: fear, hurt, disappointed, angry, frustrated, and sad.
Sometimes we dismiss these emotions, tell our downline team members not to “feel” that way, to get a better attitude, to “fake it, till you make it.”
As a coach, I think we have a better way to work with our clients (team members). We don’t have to fix every feeling.
- Listen to the emotion without judgment.
- Reflect the emotion back to her.
- Ask what she wants.
- What does she really want?
- How will those feelings get her what she wants?
- My friend and colleague, Kimberley Borgens, often asks, “How is that feeling of xxx serving you?’
- If it isn’t, are you ready to release it?
- When?
- What thoughts will you commit to replace it?
The conversation may go like this:
“She makes me so mad. I am so frustrated.”
“I hear your frustration. What do you want?”
“ I want her to stop being such a jerk.”
“I hear that but you know you can’t change her.” What do you want?”
“I don’t want to have to deal with her.”
“That certainly is a choice, Is that what you want? What would that look like?”
“Well I have to deal with her, so that wouldn’t work.”
“So what do you want?”
…. Silence….
“I
“I guess I don’t want to feel this way.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to move forward.”
“How will that feel?”
“What do you need to do to move forward?”
______________
This is a simple process to help downline team members process their emotions. To hear real coaching scenarios like this one order DSWA’s Coach Now audio program.
About the Author: Dana Phillips is Director of the DSWA Leadership Development program and founding partner of Team Connections. Get more from Dana on her Direct Selling Notebook and Facebook.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Awesome example on how to help a frustrated distributor. Thanks. I look forward to more examples.
This is an excellent post, thank you. Somewhere along the line, a trusted person told me that it is hard enough to deal with problem behavior—if you’re out of control, you’ve just doubled the problem by having to manage your own.